I really need to stop.

Giving a shit about these people who obviously don’t even care about me. I’m so done with all of you; so don’t be surprised when I start treating you exactly like the type of “children” that you never wanted me to be.

Never appreciated the type of person I am to you. So I’ll let you lose that opportunity now.

Lesson of the day:

It really doesn’t even matter how hard you try or do your work, because the average already all have the ability to easily surpass you.

My hard work always seems to go unnoticed. I must be a plagued human being or something.

I wish I can just completely block certain people from life. And not even have shit to do with them. At. Fucking. All.

I feel like, when something constantly tells you it won’t work out.

Maybe it won’t.

#anxiety #nausea #selfesteem #breakdown

Omg sometimes I feel like I have chronic depression or something…

I wish there was a way I can just start over.

Completely just block certain people from my life. So many negative people or who jus are downers because of their own insecurities & worries that their own lives are shit in comparison to mine. Who just like to be downers to others because that supposedly makes them feel better about themselves.

I wish I did my life a different way.

I wish I hadn’t ever had certain people in it.

I wish I didn’t have to be associated with certain people just because my boyfriend is their friend or family. Or jus because I know them. Or work with them, met them, went to school with them…etc.
Because instead of welcoming me like I would them, they find little things to nit-pick at me for and make me feel shittier than I normally do about myself.
And yet I’m expected to respect back.

Sometimes I really do wish that I can have the capacity to be a true bitch, because most people I know deserve it.

I can tell I am turning very bitter because of my experiences with people. It sucks because I know I was always (and most of the time am still) such a nice person. It sucks that people like to push you to your limits until you treat them how they make you feel, which will then be the only time they feel like it’s “wrong.”

I’m not the type of person to stoop so low to other peoples’ level though. Keeping it classy, not trashy.

perfectvic:

LITERALLY MY FAVORITE

THIS IS BY FAR A FUCKING GOOD ONE! TRUTH!!!!!!!!

perfectvic:

LITERALLY MY FAVORITE

THIS IS BY FAR A FUCKING GOOD ONE! TRUTH!!!!!!!!

(Source: punkypunk, via kamikazequail)

Flipflopflipflopflipflopflipflop.

-_-

After all the reasons…

…that I gave myself to not go for a nursing/medical field degree, I think it might be something I am actually going to pursue.

Art is my thing. And it will always be. But that is something that I can always do on the side and work on without the use of “classes” and need a degree on…yet. At least when I know I am helping people as a nurse (plus earning the money), I can always pursue my artsy stuff on the side. Always. If I considered to do business with my art on the side, I can gladly do that afterwards. Because anyways there is just too many forms of art that I want to explore, and I don’t think taking classes can do that for me. And I can’t just keep standing and sitting here waiting, just thinking, of what I really want without really moving.

You might think from what it sounds like, that I ended up considering nursing just for the money. To be honest, it kinda was at first. But then, it hit me. Being a nurse wasn’t exactly what me and my parents seem to see it as. They saw it as being a doctor, who always deals with blood, surgeries, and things like that. Lol, but no. I learned from co-researching with my boyfriend about it that…it’s just as broad as I have always known the art field to be.

I think of art and I see many different things. Other people think of art and all they really mention is drawings and paintings. But art is much more than that. There is also things like designing, digital artwork, animation, crafts such as scrapbooking, DIY-work, collages, etc. It’s the same for nursing.

Some people might look at this and think, “Well, duh.” Well I’m sorry and I admit it, but I was raised in a box, and it’s just now that I really feel like I am growing up and actually learning things. Things outside of my comfort zone, my “box,” my home…the outside world.

Anyways, since I was little, I always told myself that I felt as though my purpose on this planet was to make a difference. One person at a time. Helping people. Healing people. Being there for those in need and offering advice and support when I can. And if not making an impact or beneficial influence with art (which with art of course I still can), then this is a great career that’s a start. I already feel partially fulfilled just thinking about it.

I just wish I could be there already. Helping people. & all.

"They say it can take you years after high school to find out what you really want to do with yourself. & I think I’ve found it.” Finally.

Maybe this was the reason I was on an art hiatus for so long? Everything happens for a reason, right?

Maybe I needed all that time to figure this out.

Because now I feel inspired to go back.

I am so confused.

What do you even want us over for? For what; for us to feel pushed aside and invisible like always? Please.

I just. Cant even.

Cant even talk about something without it later jus be considered whining. Yet I listen to your problems with no issue. So fucking done.

After a million times of being said, looks like I gotta learn to keep my fuckin mouth shut & that I really have no one to trust but myself.

ALWAYS GOTTA FUCKIN STICK TO REPRESSION OR THIS SHIT BC PEOPLE GOTTA FUCKIN WHINE ABOUT WHAT I NEED TO VENT. But when its their problems I’m jus like “oh ok lemme listen.”

Im so used to being considered a burden in my life & fuck this shit. It hurts most coming from you. I fuckin have nobody thats jus it now.

The things we do out of vain sometimes…

Just the need to get even. Not like it’s any different of a situation, right? Same shit. So you can’t talk if I can’t.

Don’t complain or whine about what I am doing if you’re allowed to do it.

Now don’t go being a #hypocrite. Okay? ;)

On My Way Home Thinking…

"Why does it seem as though when parents become…well, parents…that it seems as though they suddenly forget that they were our age once?"

I was just randomly pondering that thought on my ride home…it’s just weird how I sit there, all silently quiet during the rides with either one of my parents when they drive me places.

I think it’s kinda sad…it’s like everyday, nobody in this house really has anything to say to each other, or even any interest to bring something up to talk about.

Then I wondered, "Is this how my parents were with their parents…?" It’s seriously a sad thought.

With that in mind, and if that were the case, were my parents happy living that way with their parents…?”

All I know is, I definitely don’t like it.

My parents seem so close-minded when it comes to everything though. I feel as though the older I get, the no different they will ever treat me, because despite having mature conversations with them in the past, discussing these such matters with them, they continue to be in denial about how they forever seem to want to treat us like children.

It’s like, “hello? We’re over our 20’s now. We are way past the age to be treated like 5-year olds AND as oh, what did you call us the other day? ‘Teenagers’.”

They be on the point where if I were to move out, I ain’t even gonna look for ANY of them. Most of my family I wouldn’t look for. I just hate the fact that I feel as though I don’t even have family to fall back on if my friends were to fail or bail on me.

So all I have is myself.

But I’m still here struggling to even believe in myself. To have confidence in myself. So what do I do?

believeinrecovery:

A little table to how to get rid of all that negative self-talk. We have to learn look at the good in situations too, instead of dwelling on things we can’t change- because you know what? We may not be able to change what is happening but we CAN change how we view it! 

I need to practice this.

(Source: believeinrecovery, via internal-acceptance-movement)